The normal behaviour of these people is to prefer to remain silent or take a neutral position to minimise problems or disagreements, using phrases such as “It doesn’t matter” or “It’s no big deal”.
Conflicts and misunderstandings are an inevitable part of everyday life: at work, at home, with your partner, with friends or even with strangers. Although they are often unpleasant, they are also necessary and important for building healthy relationships. However, not everyone lives this way. Some people prefer to remain silent rather than argue and try to avoid any conflict for fear of rejection and the reaction of others. This tendency, which at first glance seems like a way to avoid problems, can hide a certain insecurity, need for approval or fear of being abandoned, experts explain.
This reaction — remaining silent — can be related to different areas. First of all, to childhood: ‘In families where it is not allowed to ask questions or express disagreement, authority figures discredited and humiliated, and submission was associated with approval and love,’ explains psychologist and publicist Andre. It is also related to emotional insecurity: ‘When a person feels vulnerable or too weak to defend their position, or has assimilated the idea that differences of opinion inevitably lead to insurmountable conflicts,’ says Mora. And it is related to relationship dynamics: ‘Which is assimilated in past relationships marked by excessive conflict or verbal or emotional violence,’ she adds.
The usual behaviour of these people is to prefer silence or neutrality to minimise problems or disagreements, using phrases such as ‘It doesn’t matter’ or ‘It’s not that serious,’ or changing their position to adapt to others. In addition, they have certain common characteristics: ‘High sensitivity to the feelings of others, a tendency towards passivity or submission, difficulty in setting clear boundaries, avoidance of controversial topics, constant need for approval,’ she explains. They also tend to be people with anxious personality traits — especially in social situations or when making decisions — with low assertiveness — an inability to express their needs or desires —, with a high level of self-demand and constant internal conflict, with resentment or disappointment for not having defended their interests. You may find this interesting: What it means when a person closes their bedroom door when they sleep, from a psychological point of view; What it means when a person never tips waiters, from a psychological point of view; You may find this interesting: A new daily puzzle to test your intelligence.
This fear of conflict can be overcome, which does not mean “becoming aggressive, but learning to balance your needs with those of others, without sacrificing your authenticity”, the expert emphasises. In therapy, it is possible to work with self-awareness strategies: ‘Learning to identify limiting beliefs that lead to conflict avoidance, strengthening self-esteem, developing assertive communication skills, learning to express your opinion respectfully and firmly, using phrases such as ‘I feel that…’ or “My point of view is…” to avoid an aggressive tone, rethink the concept of conflict, practise expressing your opinion, look for role models who deal well with conflict, and support yourself in a positive environment where people value and respect differences of opinion,” he explains. Although in therapy it is possible to work more deeply to reveal the deeper roots of fear.
